Downhill

 Salam,

This post is only me ranting about my own achievement in life. Honestly I feel like my life is going downhill. My peak was during SPM and somehow after that it only seem to fall apart. So far Alhamdulillah, it is not that bad. I feel like am being very average but coming from an excellent student. Being average is a lot to take. I started to question myself if I did my best and since I am almost graduating soon will I be able to compete with everyone especially in this competitive field.

Wallahi, I am scared. I feel so overwhelmed but I know it’s too late to give up. Hence, I need to find my own strength to move forward. Honestly it wasn’t easy and I am still struggling. But I know deep down, I know I’ve try my best in every situation that is possible that I know how. Perhaps it is my attitude that needs to be change or my mindset to have a better life. 

Everytime I fall apart I should know that I am being human. As much as I plan my life, something may not happen the way that I want it. The most important thing is I give it all I got. Therefore I won’t have any regret later on. It’s also very important to direct my energy to beneficial thing that actually good for me not just here in this dunya but also hereafter. I should have faith in Allah SWT that whatever it is happening to me it is for the best.

Sure, I do have my insecurities. I mean who doesn’t right. We are all just being human. It is important to control it and try our best. Even if we fail we can still try again until we get it right. When to stop trying is definitely depending on our situation. 

That is all for today, I will be leaving home and won’t be celebrating raya with my family this year. I am scared that I won’t be living up to everyone expected towards me because since I have reach my peak most people expect me to improve or at least be static and not  to go downhill. I just hope I made the right decision and be satisfied with the coming result.

Goodluck nas. Final final here we go.